Quiet Quitting In Marriage: How To Tell If It’s Happening To You
CHARLOTTE, N.C. – “I think we’re probably both guilty of it,” says a local husband who agreed to speak with us about his marriage as long as we concealed his identity. He’s talking about “quiet quitting,” which means, basically: leaving without leaving. He continued, “No, I don’t want to stay like this. I’d love to rebuild.” He says he and his wife have been “quiet quitting” for years. He explains, “Emotion goes first and then physically, whether it’s helping around the house or intimacy or anything like that, it kind of just goes out the window.”
That all tracks, according to Thriveworks licensed clinical social worker Sam Rosen. He says, “It could be not wanting to talk to their partner or not wanting to be around them, not wanting to engage in intimacy.” He continues, “People do this when they are burned out on the marriage and they tried to speak up about what their needs are, and they don’t feel that it’s gotten them anywhere.”
Rosen tells WCCB the term “quiet quitting” is a new way for people to understand an old behavior that has been around for as long as couples have been getting married. Psychology Today lists six signs to look for in your relationship, including: a lack of physical affection, a lack of attention, avoiding asking or answering questions, daydreaming while together, not wanting to “deal with” their partner, and spending as little time as possible together.
We asked people online to share their experiences. One woman said: “…he used to give the most thoughtful gifts…now he grabs whatever gift card he can the night before. Another wrote: “…only one person trying is…leading to heartache.” And another says, “It starts with not doing anything together unless you have to…”
The good news is, marriages can recover from quiet quitting. Rosen says there’s one thing you can do right away: talk. He says, “It’s better to approach it from the point of view of just saying, ‘Hey, I’ve noticed these behaviors. Is everything okay? What’s going on with you? Is there anything that I can do to help you that I’m not doing?”
Our anonymous husband says he’s willing to try anything, including counseling, to mend his marriage. He says, “It probably would take time and it would take a lot of effort.”
Rosen also tells WCCB that quiet quitting in marriage sometimes has nothing to do with the marriage. It can be a symptom of an underlying mental health issue, work stress, or more. Communication is the best way to figure out what’s happening.
