CHARLOTTE, N.C. – When it comes to dating, most of us think we know what we’re looking for – height, smile, eye color, jawline, etc. But science suggests we’re being led more by instinct than Instagram. Beneath the surface-level “swipe-right” features lie subtle, silent signals that steer our attractions, many of which we aren’t even aware of.
To dig deeper into what really draws us in, Lens.me, an online colored contacts store, surveyed 3,014 men and women asking which unconventional traits secretly pull at their heartstrings. From eyebrow quirks to walking styles, the answers reveal that subtlety isn’t just sexy – it’s foundational.
Across the country, preferences for subtle attraction cues vary as much as accents. In North Carolina, it’s the voice that makes the biggest impression. Not the words themselves, but the tone – that steady, resonant quality that feels grounded and calm. Locals say they’re drawn to voices that carry a certain quiet confidence, whether it’s a low, gravelly timbre or a warm, easy cadence. In the Tar Heel State, the right voice doesn’t need to shout – it simply needs to feel real, reassuring, and unforced.
In second place, it’s the eyebrows doing the heavy lifting. Many North Carolinians are captivated not just by grooming but by the expressive power of brows – the way they arch in surprise, furrow in thought, or lift in amusement. If eyes are windows to the soul, eyebrows are definitely the running commentary.
And thirdly it appears that many North Carolinians are fixated on hands. Their shape, the way they move in conversation, or the calm elegance of someone resting them on a table can apparently rival movie-star looks.
Meanwhile, other states were drawn to other traits. In Alabama, it’s all about posture. Locals here pay close attention to how someone carries themselves – whether they walk tall or seem to fold into the background. A confident gait, it turns out, may beat a six-pack any day of the week. Wisconsinites put a premium on facial expressiveness. From spontaneous grins to subtle eyebrow lifts, natural animation signals warmth and approachability, cutting through any cold Midwestern reserve.
Indiana, true to its friendly, unpretentious vibe, values laughter. Not the polite kind, but the real thing – a laugh that bursts out and fills a room, unfiltered and human. In Virginia, scent reigns supreme – but not the bottled kind. Virginians are drawn to a subtle, natural scent or just the clean warmth of someone who smells like themselves. It’s intimate, primal, and surprisingly powerful.
New Jersey focuses less on eye color but what matters there is the way someone looks at you. A soft, steady gaze can go a long way. This is underlined by data from Lens.me which indicate that traditional preference for exotic blue colored contacts has been replaced by a trend towards more natural brown or hazel colored contacts that make up 57% of colored contacts sold in NY state.
In Vermont, it’s crow’s feet that steal hearts. Those little smile lines are seen as markers of a joyful life and emotional sincerity – traits that never go out of style. And in West Virginia, your walk speaks volumes. Whether it’s a confident stride, an easy saunter, or a thoughtful pace, Mountaineers believe your gait reveals far more than your wardrobe ever could.
Interactive map showing each state’s unconventional attractions (click on ’embed’ to host on your site)
Lens.me didn’t stop at preferences – they wanted to uncover what subtle traits stir desire, kill vibes, or offer that elusive feeling of “home.” Here’s what people revealed:
Subtle Signals: What Turns Us On (or Off)
Not everything subtle is seductive. The survey also asked about instant turn-offs, and some responses were nearly universal.
A blank, emotionless stare topped the list at 20%. Whether it’s the “zoned out” look or something more intense, people instinctively pull back. Strong artificial scents tied with fake laughter or smiles at 19% – proof that trying too hard can backfire just as much as trying too little.
Meanwhile, poor posture, a monotone voice, and overplucked eyebrows also made the list. In short: it’s not just what you’ve got, but how you show up with it.
What Do We Notice First?
Before the face or body, many people tune in to other sensory cues. Eye contact and facial expressions ranked highest, with 26% saying it’s the very first thing they notice. This was followed by voice (16%), laughter or smile (16%), and overall presence or scent (9%).
Interestingly, 22% still said they notice body or face first – suggesting that while subtlety is powerful, old habits die hard.
The Weird Things That Make Us Swoon
Some of the odd physical quirks we find endearing:
- Raspy voice – 21%
- Freckles in odd places – 15%
- Nervous fidgeting – 15%
- Deep laugh-snort combo – 12%
- Visible scar or birthmark – 15%
- Crooked teeth – 9%
- Large nose – 7%
One person even admitted that they “fell hard” for someone purely because of their slightly lopsided eyebrow.
The “Safe and At Home” Factor
Asked what makes someone feel instantly safe or comfortable on a first date, the responses were refreshingly emotional.
A whopping 34% said it’s when someone listens without interrupting. Another 28% felt drawn in by a relaxed, open posture – proof that body language can be louder than words. Other answers included a calm gaze (17%) and a soft or unhurried voice (16%). Only 5% said crow’s feet made them feel at home, but maybe those are just the quiet MVPs of facial features.
Icks, Red Flags, and Unexpected Green Lights
The Biggest dating ick?
Hands down: “My ex was crazy” took the crown, turning off 31% of respondents. It was followed by “Feel like splitting the check?” (23%), and – brace yourself – “Crypto is my passion” (17%).
Most overlooked green flag?
Turns out, it’s emotional intelligence. 36% said the biggest green flag was a person’s willingness to admit they were wrong or apologize. It beat out punctuality (17%) and kindness to service staff (27%).
Biggest early-stage red flags?
- Love bombing / moving too fast – 28%
- Passive-aggressive texting – 23%
- Never asking questions back – 19%
- “Joking” about commitment issues – 16%
- Refusing to define the relationship – 14%
“What we found is that real attraction often bypasses the obvious. It’s not about being flawless – it’s about being human. A subtle smile line, a gentle voice, or the way someone listens can be more powerful than any perfect profile picture,” said a spokesperson at Lens.me. “At the end of the day, it’s the quiet signals that speak the loudest.”
